Is it worth it

Is it strength or self sabotage?

Is it love or scared of being alone?

Why is love not enough?

Why do I wake up surprised 

To find I made it through the night?

Why do I cuss myself for breathing mindlessly?

Why do I get so enraged that I Think I can make a difference? 

Like I’ve ever been enough.

A single use tissue, there to serve a purpose and tossed aside. 

The only hug I can think about right now is a cold steel hug.

A shiver from the cold trickles through my body

Palms sweating in anticipation 

I take a a cold finger in my warm one 

Give it a squeeze 

Now my brains are on the door,

Lifeless body on the floor

“There is your hug” 

Exclaims the casing bouncing on the rug

All to have my thoughts confirmed, being found with a dismissive shrug