It's All About the Sauce

There are many things I do enjoy,

Well, I guess…excluding boys.

Though some are sexy, hot and steamy,

I’d rather stick to something creamy.

Coming home from work one day,

Shirt unbuttoned, hair astray.

My wife calls me on the ringer,

“Hi Alfred, what’s for dinner?”

My head’s a mess, I’m at a loss,

It’s so hard to impress my boss.

It took a minute and at last I thought,

“We have all that alfredo sauce!”

Bottles upon bottles locked away,

Waiting, just waiting for that special day.

My wife and I, we’re considered hoarders,

And we still haven’t stopped placing orders.

This white, delicious, creamy goo,

It’s sacred to us, we’re willing to sue.

Yep, that’s weird, there are no excuses,

But it just has so many uses.

What’s that? You say,

No money to pay.

No fear, we’re here, we’ll cover the costs,

I bet you’ve never paid with alfredo sauce!

Do you ever feel like your skin needs some lotion,

Quit your huffing and puffing, don’t cause a commotion.

Just twist off the top, sit back and relax,

Let your skin heal with our alfredo sauce wax.

If these applications are somewhat insane,

Don’t be alarmed, they’re completely humane.

If you’re still concerned, pick up the phone

Dial 1-800-ALFREDO-GROAN.

Enough of this nonsense, I’ll tell you the truth,

I first fell in love at an Olive Garden booth.

First bite. Down the hatch, the taste was awesome,

My alfredo sauce obsession started to blossom.

My wife believes it was all meant to be,

Alfred and Alfredo, snug like two peas.

When life gives you lemons, I guess I would say,

Buy alfredo sauce, throw the lemons away.