It's cold

Sitting here wondering how the hell I get here trying revaluated my step but I guess that water under the bridge and I can't even plan for the feature because that's a unpredictable thing an I keep thinking I going to wake up from this dream but I no I not dreaming and it like I did all that I could do all I know is how to stay ture tryin keep my emotion in check but when I let myself feel it's a deep sadness misunderstood no one gets it I don't even get it sometime I just know that's I try to make the best out of the hand I was dealt I don't cheat I play fair and hope life gets better from here but I be pairing if I say it ain't wear on my soul like how mf look you in the eye when they know they the one with the knife and you got to smile an act like you didn't see what they did to you when all I want to do is not have to play dumb but I guess sometime we have to to make things run smooth and it ain't being fake it called saving face but I don't expect no one to get it and they say they love me but do they really or is that a word they use because I bring so much to the table so they love me for the spread the feast I cook up men an all I really wanted is to have some affection but I feel it ain't real I don't what it is I don't know what the deal an wish I wasn't so naive but that's the way my soul is and I don't like this sadness an if it wasn't for my kids I probably wouldn't be here an I think that's the truth I think life is cold and I anemiac so it's killing me slow an I hope I get past this I hope one day all get my smile back just gotta push forward keep putting my best foot forwarded