It's Just a Game to Those Who Don't Play It

Have you ever wanted something so bad you'd sacrifice your life? Have you ever dedicated all your days and nights? Have you ever loved something so much that all you thought about was that thing. Have you worked yourself to exhaustion for 8 years straight getting in Shape only to realize your dream wasn't your fate. Have you ever had your heart torn out of your body by a simple game? Sadly I have never called football a game. It was my life. I crushed bones, twisted ankles, dislocated fingers,an took blows to the head way more than once or twice. I had one goal in this game of hell, work my ass off and get a roster spot in the NFL. High school was a breeze I led the state in tackles with 143. I played tightend to be the tackles extra hand, but I then developed into a tightend that caught many passes with his hands. I would lye in bed and throw the football to myself for hours, just dreaming about taking care of my family and getting them a new house. I went to a junior college out of high school, at 6'2 235 pounds to play full - back. I became a full time demolition man. Hitting linebackers and just about anyone who tried to stand, in the way of my running back. There was no glory in my position, just a handful of headaches and collisions. I earned a spot on the Allstar team my last year there, I even got a big catch in this game which to me had become rare. My love for the game was still strong and true to this point, it would be till I made it to the NCAA where I'd reach my breaking point. The coaches didn't like me which was new to me I've always been a player coaches could count on. Now I was called a stupid motherfxxxx and looked down upon. They moved me to defensive end which id never played and at 6'2 235 pounds I had to rely on speed to get around towering tackles and guards. I relied souly on my athletic ability to play this foreign part. I did great at times and other times I was lost undoubtably,I was labeled a pure pass rusher and only went in on down number 3. I got a few sacks and tackles but I never got comfortable there, I knew I could help the team on offense more so than there. I never got the opportunity to show them my true talent which was catching the football, a skill I trained and trained my hands for ball after ball,  my attitude turned negative and with it went football. I coasted through my last few games just waiting for that last day.I graduated with much hatred and hurt from the sport that I once loved, getting cussed and worked  mentally and physically , ten hour days left my heart with a grudge. I sit here today wishing I could do it all over again, but the reality is the end is the end. Do I think about trying to play again? Of course I always will, the surgically repaired chip on my shoulder is fine and healed, but I'll always have that chip on my shoulder, even as the years go by and I slowly get older. I am living a life of what if and that sadly isn't a life I can live with.