It's not his fault

Sometimes I sit up at night

I can't help but to dwell on all of the things wrong with me

i'm lonely most nights

I try to figure out why i'm alone

when every other girl recieves a phonecall before bed

I try to figure out

why I have no friends to call and chat with until I slumber

and why i have no man to call to charm me to sleep

And somehow, everytime

I blame my loneliness on me.

I must be annoying, I MUST be unattractive

I must have scared them all off with my unintelligence.

And somehow, everytime

I blame my loneliness on someone else,

There must be someone who doesn't annoy them,

someone who's pretty enough, and smart enough to steal

them from me.

things get crazy,

how can I possibly blame my loneliness on me

i try to have relationships.

how can I possibly blame my loneliness on you

you have nothing to do with this.

But it has to be someone's fault,

There has to be someone behind my loneliness.

things get crazier.

god must be behind my loneliness,

god has a plan for me,

god knows I can handle this.

why so crazy?

i know now

that god is a way to comfort yourself

god, is simply the idea that things will always get better,

and that when things aren't great,

they're not great because they are supposed to be that way.

Religion is umbrella term for the different coping mechanisms.

But I, I have no coping mechanism, no god to put my problems and success on

I have only me.

And for me it's not his fault, 

it's mine.

Because how can I blame you?

Comments

TheRealTruth

God is to certainly to Blame for my loneliness.

Need to talk?

If you ever need help or support, we trust CrisisTextline.org for people dealing with depression. Text HOME to 741741