It's okay

I love it when people say

Hey there, how is your day

It's okay. I'm okay 

Im a daughter hiding depression

Trying to make a good impression

On all of those surrounding her

The monotony of health

Resulting in the stealth

Of the presence of eating disorders 

Completely unaware

Of the unhealthy flare

To obsessively work out

To compensate

For all the weight

That could be gained from my food

But it's okay I'm okay 

The stress from school

Is so uncool

It leads to more anxiety

Staying up late

With Too much on my plate

Resulting in inadequate sleep

I am so numb

Unaware of what Ive become

An emotionless zombie

It's crazy how quick 

My emotions can flick

From manic to depressive states

One minute laughter

Then soon hereafter

The feeling of failure creeps in

Am I good enough

Can I be that tough

To console my doubts

I feel as though I am broken

Keeping my doubts unspoken

With all of my peers

Surrounding me with ears 

Listening to me talk

I have to say 

It's okay I'm okay

Until i am alone

Then the smile that shone

Is no longer present

I'm no longer happy

I turn quite sappy 

And numbness envelops me

I have an urge to feel

To feel anything real

Crying, sobbing, shouting

All of the tears spouting

Revealing my Intense sadness 

But it's okay I'm okay

You don't feel bad

Because it's normal to feel sad

But this is not the same

This isn't a phase

Being lost in my haze 

With no one left to help me

No one is aware

Or maybe they just don't care

To notice the struggles i face

The urge to cut

To get out of this rut

Doesn't accomplish anything

Silent tears

From all the years

Soak the pillow at night

Losing the fight

Is quite a fright

The battle is hard

Leaving me scarred

Feeling worse than ever

So now I try 

To let go and die

But cannot follow through

It's okay I'm okay

You are exempt

Of knowledge the attempts

That have taken place for me

Because you couldn't handle the blame

The family wouldn't be the same

If I were to leave so soon

So Please don't dismiss

In all of your bliss

This second shout for help

Therapy is a start

But the feeling in my heart 

Is as if I were defective

Try and understand 

Please don't reprimand 

For I have no control

Of the feeling

When I stare at the ceiling

And wonder if I am loved

Are you better with out me

My biggest inquiry

When I am down

My thoughts repeat

Causing retreat

Of me to everyone else

I'm scared to be alone

In the combat zone

Not sure if I can win this war

It's okay I'm okay

I strive to calm down

From my lengthy meltdown

The third one of the month

Tell myself I am fine

To absolutely confine

These horrible scenarios in my head

Breathe in deeply

To become so sleepy

I forget my problems 

Beginning to believe

And myself deceive

The severity of my mental state

But it's okay I'm okay

I have a yearning tug

On my heart for a hug

To be the comfort I desire

People for support when I am in need

Helping me to ultimately succeed 

And break this chain

Encoded in my brain

Maybe one day

Someone will say

You're not okay

And save my day