I've never been too good

I've never been too good at being in the closet Every time I hear any issue I'm interested in mentioned I feel inclined to join the conversation And speak my mind I used to live with my rich white aunt Who try as I might I can't understand it Was so grossly homophobic So hateful and transphobic And it gave me a dark heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach My friends and I were being personally attacked And she used an omnipotent God of love to justify it That got me into theology You see Because I wanted to see what this God of hers had against me I found the absolute opposite People are interpreting scripture twisted with hate And it's the only thing I hate Because His greatest commandment above all else was to love Him and everyone else And this is the same God as Jews and Muslims This holy God of love and kindness And still in His name they spread hate and carnage and celebrate the deaths of others I don't know about them but I couldn't look my mother In the eye if I said that it was good that 50 people were dead And that their deaths were wanted by God They're also trying to blame ISIS but I don't buy it This brand of homophobia I know it when I spy it It's 100% home grown American quality hatred And you can tell by the Joyous tweets that are responding to Orlando This is truly what it's like to be American. I refuse to be afraid to be myself Because I've never been anything else Even when I tried I could not do anything to hide my pride. Yesterday I cried I locked myself in my room and cried Tears of grief Tears of terror But today I see my error And I no longer hide and cry I stand up because I have pride And my grief for those 50 people and all the people who have died because of hatred Has become wrath and fury Don't try to stop me I'm not disappointed I'm angry And writing is all I can do Maybe the things I write will add to The discourse Of course They probably won't But for now and as long as my bitterness lasts I'll haunt Your screens with mile long passages about my beliefs And no one's going to stop me Of course you're allowed to leave But what fun would that be When you can watch me pour my heart out onto the keyboard A play by play of me falling apart A front row seat to my unraveling I hope it's as fun for you as it is for me