I’M GOOD...

When she ask.... tell her I’m good.

When she ask me, I’ll tell her I’m good. 

When she asks again... I’m still good. 

But no matter how times I tell her “I’m good” she still ask anyway and won’t go away.

But Deep, 

Deep inside me I want her to hear the exaggeration and the sarcasm in my voice. 

I can’t- I can’t- I don’t know how to lie. I’m  good at lying to her, but to me?.... I can’t lie to myself. 

I want this feeling to go away because 

I feel astray. 

I cry.

Boy, do I cry. I can’t explain why I cry. 

Why does anyone cry?

Do they cry because they’re sad?

How can anyone be sad when there is so much in the world to be grateful for?

I can’t explain what’s happening In my mind. 

I try to be kind.

I feel so alone and I am sick of putting up an act that’s made of stone. 

I’m good. 

I do want you to believe me,

please believe that I’m good because once you do.... I’ll have hope, I’ll feel like I’m strong enough to fight.

Raise my chin up Mama, and say.... are you okay, child? 

Maybe then I’ll have the courage to tell you...

I’m broken.

I’m not happy. 

I feel like I’m suffocating. 

I feel like I’m trapped.

I feel like I’m failing.

Is it wrong to even say I’m dying? 

She asks... are you good, child? 

Yes, Ma’am. Ummm...

I don’t know. 

I do want to grow, mama. 

As they say, You can’t heal in the same environment that made you sick in the first place. 

So, go ahead... ask me, I dare you! 

I’m good. Yes, that’s a fact. 

Now Let’s have a chat.

I’m good at pretending.... pretending 

That I’m happy, that you’re the reason for that happiness but you’re not. You’re wrong, you’re the reason for my madness!

In fact mother, you’re the reason I’m broken.

You never pick your words and you don’t care what it does

to a child... your child, mama!

You say you’ll never kill your own child, But  you’re killing me ‘cause your words are like bullets and each time they pierced through my skin, it’s grilling me. 

When he asks.... yes, sir. I’m good, sir.

You’re the reason I’m hurt, sir.

every word you shoot into my body, my whole body cries, sir. 

your words can only be forgiven not forgotten, Sir!

some words are music to my ears and some words are like poison to my soul 

I know you can control.... Don’t be a troll. 

Please understand that I mean no disrespect, please understand that you’re the reason I have no regrets. 

You’re the reason I cry,

The reason I feel worthless because you told me.... your own child, that I’m worthless! 

The reason I’m voiceless. 

So, when they asks.... Next time, I’ll tell them I’m good because nothing is worth this...

Yes, I’m pissed. 

Although I don’t Hiss, 

I still know no peace, but just notice... I’m-I’m good. 

Know this.... I’ll be strong because I’m still young. 

I’ll survive, even without a mom.