I’m not sure

I’m not sure of a lot.

I’m not sure if I ever did the right thing 

or if I’ll ever do the right thing. 

If I hate this winter a little bit more than last

or if I’ll ever stop dreading the 15th of every month. 

Even every Thursday of the year..I’m not sure. 

Where I should be, what I should be doing, where I’ll be going.

If mom and dad are right 

or just crazy. 

Who never mattered

but someone managed to erk every single bone in my body.

I’m not sure if I was right, 

or if you were too. 

I’m not sure what this cigarette is doing for me 

or this half glass of rum.

I’m not sure if I meant what I said? liked how it sounded? 

then said it anyways. 

How many times I punk’d out of saying “I love you”

because maybe she didn’t fall for me just as fast as I did for her.

If I was too busy trying to fit in but got myself far out than in. 

I’m not sure if I liked you a lot 

or the idea of you..

either way I’m not sure it ever mattered. 

I’m not sure if Dr. made me feel okay when he said I was gonna be okay.

I’m not sure if I was being used or being nice. 

If “best friend” meant a damn thing to you, or just a space to fill. 

I’ve been fooled one two many times.

I’m not sure if you were here to do that to me also. 

I’m not sure what happened to you

or maybe I do and refuse to believe it,

because my hope for you and everyone else is 

and always is at a high. 

I never was sure that we were meant to be just friends. 

Neither am I sure that we were meant to be lovers. 

I’m not quite sure you’re so much the lucky one 

because every. single. time I see you smile 

I assure myself that 

most most definitely, 

I am the lucky one. 

I’m not sure if I’ve already wasted my time

or am wasting my time by wasting time?

I’m not sure what I was thinking your last night.

I must not of been thinking. 

I’m not sure if your favorite things were mine too 

or if we just hoped it was…

because opposites don’t always attract, do they?