J Days

Ugly, defected, just as I’d expected

Glory days over after 30 days

Because I opened up

Wounds, flaws, idiosyncrasies

The self-defeatist claws at her scars

The end would be so kind

A buoying to the weights

Can even Florence save me now?

Another one bites the dust

I am digging, digging for words

Searching, peeling for answers

Analyzing, analyzing for reasons

I wash my hands of this re-search

Pathetic, oh pathetic me

It’s just the same damn sad story

They come, they cry love

Affection, I’m bottled up

They get want they want

And quick they are to leave

I sit and sulk in my pile of feel-ings

What to do, what to do with all these hurts

A quick pang, a few spurts

Butterflies, my eyes that you said were distracting

But it was all acting, an act of a fool

A tool, to coy, used by some idiot boy

But just like the others, you will too

Become a ghost, how does that feel for you?

Do you feel a nothingness like I do?

A wasted effort in search of connection

I found solace in the embrace of your affection

A close fit, I’ll admit, not one I’d experienced yet

A difference, a difference I felt it but soon forget

Short-lived, I forgived

I sit, wait, and ponder

Forgotten, my heart’s rottin’

Clouds move faster, and I wander

I seem to only know melancholy

Untraditional men and the cases of folly

I surrender, surrender

Anxiety through the roof

Caffeine shot me through

High-strung throughout the night

To stay calm, a common fight

As if this life was not hard already

A struggle just to keep my hands steady

Setting my mind focused, alert

Takes more than just busy work

A glass of wine, to help but not at all

A thought of you and the pitfalls

Another lonely night it seems to be

A vicious cycle of a sad reality