Jack and the Giant Conundrum

Once upon a time,

There was a farm boy named Jack who lived with his mum.

The poor family lived from dime to dime.

Whenever Jack sassed, his mum would paddle his bum.

This was often...

At one point in the lives of the family,

The country's economy was tanking.

Consequently, the family was affected financially.

The mum proclaimed, "This is outstanding!"

This was sarcasm, of course.

"Here!  Sell the cow for capital,"

The mum grumbled.

"She said tyrannical,"

Jack mumbled.

He ran.

On the way to the market,

Jack ran across a crazy, old man in blue jeans.

He exclaimed, "This is the cow!  I have found my target!"

He continued, "Would you trade your cow for my brightly colored beans?"

Jack considered the transaction.

"I suppose," Jack responded.

Shaking hands, the man nerved,

"The purchase has become bonded;

"You have been served."

The man ventured off into a tree.

“What a fine fellow,” Jack thought.

When he arrived home,

Jack presented to his mum what he bought.

“That cow was supposed to get us money, ya’ gnome!”

“I couldn’t find him a job,” Jack remarked.

Tossing aside the beans into the forest,

The mum demanded,

“Give me your wrist.”

He lifted his hand, candid.

She smacked it (She changes where she smacks to change the routine.).

The next morning, as Jack was stretching to wake up,

His eyes popped as he glanced outside.

“Yup.

“This is my life.”

There was a giant beanstalk outside, in case you couldn’t figure it out.

“For curiosity's sake, I will climb this beanstalk,”

Decided Jack.

Feeling like Sherlock,

He flew up the plant with knack.

“I wonder what’s up this tower,” he thought.

Once atop the tower,

He discovered a castle.

With pride, he said, “That only took an hour!

“Though, getting into that castle is going to be a hassle.”

He found a door that read, “For visitors only.”

“That was easier than expected.”

Inside the castle, he found a massive bed.

“I presume that there will be a giant man in the bed,” he suspected.

He got distracted; “I smell bread.”

He followed the aroma.

The scent ended at a plate in the kitchen.

There, he discovered a bird baking.

He exclaimed, “It’s a giant chicken!”

“How rude!  I’m a goose!” as the golden eggs he was breaking.

Jack has never seen a goose before.

“What’s up with the golden eggs, giant chicken?”  Jack asked.

“Firstly, I’m a goose.  Secondly, I lay them,” retorted the goose.

“Thirdly, you are crass.”

“I see,” Jack said as he thought as to how he can take the eggs and vamoose.

He thought himself to be clever.

Jack finally said, “Yeah…  If you could give me those eggs, that’d be greaaat.”

The goose replied, “Well, you have some gall.”

At this, Jack stole the eggs and made haste.

The goose squawked, “Master!  Master!  The intruder is in the hall!”

Jack is a fast runner to be there already.

The giant man woke up from his slumber.

Alarmed by the goose’s warning, he quickly pursued.

For Jack, this was a bummer.

The giant then exclaimed, “Why are you in my house, dude!”

The goose still squawking, as if it will help the situation.

When Jack arrived to the head of the beanstalk,

The massive chaser realized something about the intruder.

He then began to run faster, desiring to talk.

Scared of being caught, Jack moved quicker in an adrenaline-like stupor.

Once at the bottom,

Jack grabbed an ax.

“Ha, I got him!”

He started to cut down the plant aiming for it to collapse.

This would normally have taken Jack several hours, but for the purposes of the story, it took only a few minutes.

Jack yelled, “I’ll see you next Fall!”

The climber uttered, “What’d ya say?”

When the giant crashed to the ground, he bounced like a ball.

“Yay!”

It rhymed.

Jack went to the lump on the ground.

“The giant is dead!”

The lump heard this sound.

The giant man sat up and announced, “Not yet!”

This made Jack leap.

Jack attempted to escape,

But the giant pinched him like a crumb.

Jack hung, mouth agape.

The captor asked, “Son, where is your mum?”

Why is he asking about his mum?

“At home, I suppose”

The man rose up and started to Jack’s home.

Adding up the cons and pros,

Jack considered which is worse to face: his mum or this chrome dome.

No idea how the giant knows where he is going.

Once at Jack’s home, the giant tapped the door.

Jack’s mum peaked out and moaned with disappointment.

The mum grumbled, “Are you here for more?”

The giant replied, “I know you can’t hide you excitement.”

They act like they know each other.

Jack exclaimed, “What is up with you two?”

The giant turned and explained, “Jack, I’m your father.”

“You can’t be!  You’re who?”

He replied, “I wish you were taller.”

This is oddly familiar.

“Dude, I’m not a giant.”

“You take from your mother’s side.”

“Mum, tell him he’s lyin’.”

The mum answered, “What he says, I cannot deny.”

What a twist.

“If that’s the case, then what’s with the goose?”

“He’s my pet”

Jack announced, “My mind, I’m about to lose.”

The goose arrived with a sweat.

“I’m not your pet; I’m your roommate!”

The mum just now noticed the golden egg that Jack has been holding.

“Is this my child support, Darol?

“You’ve been withholding.”

“Yes, Carol.”

“By the way, were you the one that sent that crazy, old man with the beans?” Jack continued.

“Bob?  He’s my divorce lawyer.

“I sent him because I wanted to see you.”

Jack looked at Darol in horror.

Did not see that coming.

In the end, the mum got her golden egg,

Jack and the giant dad played catch with a baseball,

The goose continued to bake banana bread,

And the crazy, old man up the tree he crawled.

… And they lived happily ever after.