J.A.J

I don't want you to control me.

I can't let you control me.

I didn't love you, so why can't I get you out of my thoughts?

I look at you with her.

Her, the bitch that took you from me.

Her, my best friend.

Her, a good person.

Her, the one who can make you smile.

And I die inside.

But its okay, I say 'we can still stay friends.'

But now when I look at you two,

Curled around one another like we were supposed to,

I know that what I say just isn't true.

I don't like emotions,

I don't like them taking me for their own,

I shut them out long ago.

I'm disgusted with myself.

I barely know you.

I don't need you

I can't even stand being near you!

So, How dare I curl my lip when you smile at her.

How dare I get offended when she slides her hand up your leg. 

How dare I get sad when you turn your back on others to be with the one you choose.

How can I stand to live knowing I can be replaced that easily.

How can I pretend I'm happy for you when I want to collapse into your arms.

Just like I used to.

Just tell me what to do.