James

My little brother's gentle eyes shine bright

like stars.

A galaxy full of hope and promise.

His heart pours out light that

Could change the world.

I can imagine

him taking his first steps.

I can imagine

his first day of school.

I can imagine

him sitting on the living room floor,

laughing up a storm,

with an animated smile.

And I can imagine

what it would have been like

if he had

Lived.

But he didn't.

Imagine.

What a beautiful word that feels like a curse.

Feels like a disguise--

a "wolf in sheep's skin"--

for something that could have been.

A word that crushes and destroys

hope.

I guess it's hard to miss something you never had.

But I was just so, so

So

close.

I never got to hold him 

or argue or fight.

He's more of just a dream

or a thought I have at night,

when I

pray that he

remembers the family he

could have had.

The older sister he could have had.

The friend I could have had.

We buried a piece of paper.

A white, folded piece of paper with one word on it:

James.

He may be my little brother but I aspire to be like him,

Angelic and pure.

A pulchritudinous, loving kid

who didn't get the life he deserved.

Who didn't get a life at all.

When I'm crying out for

someone,

just someone to listen,

to care,

all I have to do is walk outside

and look

U

    P

and I hope that one day

my eyes can shine as bright

as stars.

A galaxy full of hope and promise.

And that my heart can pour out light that 

could change the world.

And maybe,

someday,

it will.