January

Last month at this time

I would have been able to sleep

Unencumbered by what I didn’t want

But not wanting doesn’t come cheap

Remember the parking structure

Built two stories high in the middle of town

The car started smoking cigarettes that night

Heavy feet sinking deeper into the ground

Feel the weight of the world

Lifted by a smile

Meant for someone else

It had been a while

Since I had worn a sweater

That’s not true, I’m lying

I wore one a couple days ago

I was trying and retrying

But she had hooked a string

From whatever distance traveled

Pulled and twisted

My sweater unraveled

Actually

I’m lying again

The sweater’s fine

I’m just dying again

Something about that night

A dark, heavy place opened

Unable to feel or hear

The way the letters opened

Ripping paper to shreds

In my room at night

Punching clocks in the face

They shine so bright

Like the stars through the window

Grimy constellations beam

They say that everything will be okay

Things are better than they seem.