A Journey Untold

How much can I conceal from the world?

From myself?

How many lies can I feed myself?

“I’m fine.”

“Life is perfect.”

How much longer can I pretend I am strong enough?

I’m not.

“What good am I?”

Another lie yet believed

I let the knife slice my wrist, starting by lies of insecurity, hidden by bracelets untold

Secretly expressing my pain and sorrow inside.

My knuckles and thin shoes began to hit every obstacle, not to get it out of the way, but to hopefully express the evoked fire inside of me to something.

Punching, kicking, throwing anything in my path, a raging storm tearing everything apart.

Including me.

Nutrition became my least priority.

I starved myself to play the part, letting the wind carry my every move.

I was broken inside.

“What was my purpose?”

“Why am I here?”

Shaken and unsure of who I was,

I began hunting for an answer that was beyond my grasp.

And it wasn’t until I looked up

that I found it.

Soon, my body trembled and shook as I whispered, “I am not worthy, I am not worthy.”
A hand reached down to caress my face,

But I —overwhelmed and unsure that someone could love a mistake like me — turned away, I walked away.  

Could someone really love me for me?

It was too much change. I wasn’t comfortable.

Sprinting, I decided I needed a man to tell me I’m loved.

I believed my beauty was defined in what that man thought!

My value came by his approval.

I “needed” a man

To tell me who I am and trying to make me someone I wasn’t.

Feeding me lies like how society feeds the culture surrounding us, penetrating into our minds

And making us believe these false truths that only bring us down.

Like money used to buy prizes from toy vending machines.

The toys are fun at first, but just like

Society’s gifts, are cheap, breakable, and soon lost.

Yet we are drawn to them, to feed the machine again.

I don’t need to feed the machine.

I don’t need this man called society!

I raced back to that hand.

And I reached up, touching, grasping His hand.

A peace that passes all understanding washed over me like an ocean and flooded my soul.

He knew my name. He forgave my past. He gave me a new name.

I grasped that hand, not only did I accept Him, but also I understood my purpose and what I must live for.

I want to be remembered, not for the things I’ve done, but for what I’ve overcome through the name of Christ Jesus

I am not defined by what brings me down, but by who brings me up.

I will not feed the machine of anger, destruction, and chaos.

I’m not strong enough on my own, but with Him,

My name is overcomer.