just be

don’t tell me to ‘just eat’ as if you wish for me to be released

from the constant judgement demanding all too much of me

i can’t ‘just eat’ because i can’t just be

you never wanted me to just be me

it’s nice in theory but it just doesn’t stand

how can you expect me to fly with my wings under your hand?

don’t purge.

break the streak.

break the streak.

every time i look in the mirror

   don’t you see?

i can’t break the streak: the streak is breaking me

it’s too much

i can’t get out

i’m drowning in my tears

you tell me to suck it up every time i face my fears

    ‘get over it’

    ‘i can’t deal with this anymore’

can’t you see i can’t deal with me?

every time i look in the mirror you’ve never known what i see

i’m unwanted: i will never be able to just be

the problem with telling me to just eat

is that you never say just be me

     ‘just eat but if you're overweight you’re simply fat and ugly’

you can be yourself as long as it complies with society

     ‘why are you so upset?’

     ‘you really have it all’

is that what it seems with my face against the wall?

trying to scream loud enough to interrupt the call

      ‘help me help me please i can’t do it anymore!’

            ‘mind your manners! kids these days. don’t you see i’m busy?’

       ‘i’m sorry. i didn’t mean to intrude. i’m sorry, really’

            ‘kids nowadays do anything to make us worry’

we’re sorry

we’re sorry

but our apologies aren’t enough

not when their heads are larger than their bluffs

     ‘we’re here for you’

     ‘we love you’

     ‘we just want you to be happy’

maybe

you can try

      ‘just be 

         whatever you want to be

            whatever will make you happy’