Just Feel

They say to talk about what you know. And all I know is feelings. I don’t know the names of my feelings, just how they build up inside me, climbing the walls of my psyche, Clutching at my heart, grabbing at my eyes, and seizing my tongue. When the feeling grips my tongue, I am white-hot. I am a dragon. I spew fire from my mouth like a cave, my teeth the white hot daggers forming the stabs of my words as they dash out of my mouth like demons, ready to slash and harm, but never kill. My white-hot words are ruthless. They hunt their prey with the single-mindedness of a falcon. They are gleeful little terrors, glorying in the pain that they cause. My tongue rolls uncontrollably in my mouth, almost as if in agony, as it turns the words out into the world like sparks in a fire, racing across the landscape, devouring everything they touch and leaving charred, damaged remains in their wake. I think this fiery feeling is Rage. When the feelings overwhelm my eyes, I am a cold blue. I am drowning. It is feeling like everything I’ve ever loved is ripped from my hands, the feeling that I’m not good enough. That I am alone except for these blue ghosts of sorrow, adrift at sea with no bottle to send a message for help And even when I shout no one hears me. The feelings cover my eyes in a sheet of salty rain, so I can’t even see if anyone did come to my side. I get so tired of feeling like this, and with the blue ghosts comes a feeling that I can’t fight any longer. A rush of anguish, and then I’m free, Bursting at the seams like a dam, the torrent of blue feelings streaming out as my body shakes, the devils of this terrible feeling racking my body and filling me with pain. And suddenly I am numb, and broken in the aftermath of the blue ghosts. I think this feeling is Sadness. But oh, when the feelings climb into my heart and nestle themselves into the beating muscles, warm and glowing, I am alive. Like a shot of whiskey pounding through my veins, these feelings hum, borne along on a warm wind Like summer nights and sunsets, my favorite song on the radio, these feelings flow around my soul Lifting me up and filling me with hope. They comfort me, curling up on my brain the way smoke moves from a chimney. These feelings free me, letting my heart go and tumble into a great unknown. These feelings laugh and giggle, romping through my mind, bucking and skipping like young horses. I think this feeling is Love. But how am I supposed to know? You cannot put a name on feelings like these. You’re not supposed to know them. You should simply Feel.