Just me Vs my thought

It's late now, I should probably head to bed But now it's play time for the thoughts in my head. Some people say just change your thoughts and think about somthing else But what they don't understand is its not me, it's my thoughts vs myself. We are constantly fighting as if we are in war And the truth is I'm not winning anymore. There's the little ones that get to me Constantly playing all the time. " you're a disappointment and you're not good enough" " you're not wanted or loved so just give up " "Don't say the wrong thing, if you fail it's bad" " they're always judging, you're a screw up and that's sad" "Don't trust because you will get hurt" Don't love because you won't be loved back " "You need to cut, you need to hurt" "You need to scream and destroy everything in your way, only then will you be okay" Those are the simple ones, destructive but I can get through them from time to time. The one thought that haunts me everytime Is the one that screams:" your only option is to die!" This is not just a thought but feels like a reality I'm living It's so realistic with every detail that it leaves me shivering What if this one is true? What am I supposed to do? I have sleepless nights with the fear my thoughts might take control of me And end things suddenly. Sometimes my thoughts slowly convince me That is the only way to be free. After all they're just thoughts right, How dangerous can they be? Invisible things that can't control me. No! These thoughts are like monsters coming alive, They want to prevent me from trying to survive.