Just one of those nights.
It's one of those nights. Phantoms scratching at the
window panes begging to be let in, for me to acknowledge
them after being numb for so long. My lizard brain hisses
objection, it thinks it has been protecting me from the
grief I should be feeling. It is both comforting and
terrifying, knowing the dam is cracking and that soon I'll
be swept away in the current of pain again. I don't have
enough fingers to count my losses anymore, so I cut them
off one by one until I can't hold anything. It all just drops
to the floor, andI shove them under my bed with
everything else I want to keep but don't want to see. Now
the scratching is growing louder, more insistent, the glass
becoming etched with names and faces and I want to look
away but I'm transfixed, an ache building in my chest that
needs to be heard. It shouts at me to feel feel feel, and a tear
manages to leak from my eye before I shut down again. But
it's coming. I know it and I don't want to stop it. I need to
remember I'm alive, even if I have to hurt for a while. A
long while, probably. I'd rather feel pain than this
nothingness.
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Kamil Khalil Alvi
I’m a writer who’s trying to merge the world of fiction and realism. Writing was just a “hobby”. I never thought, I’d create a blog for writing but here I’m. Let me give you a quick sneak peek into my past. I started writing when I was 13, that age when my bottled up feelings and emotions were tangled with the burden of mysteries of this unintelligible world which paved the way of unethical desires and failures. What can I say? One must simply write it out to ease the weight as I did. Looking back over them now, I am amused of all the mistakes I made but also I see a touch of pathos in it all and feel almost tender about it. And I hope it has made me more tolerant and understanding. I come from a very different place called Srinagar, it’s a small city in Kashmir often called as “paradise on Earth”. Currently, I’m a senior in high school and if you’re here to read more of my ramblings and mix of realism and fiction – I’m grateful to you and I hope, I help you feel a little less alone in this world. Do visit my website for more insight into my work https://kamilalvi.com/
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