just so you know...

you don't know

or do you? 

how often i reach out

only to be side-stepped

how often i dial your number

only to get pushed to voicemail before it starts ringing

how often i hear the blood rushing to my head

trying to heal the hurt that can't be fixed

how often i scream in silence

because i don't want anyone to know

i can't let you know

how my chest threatens to explode

as i suck in all the words that aren't said

how my eyes fill with tears and my mouth gushes lies

to keep everyone guessing

to keep everyone from getting too close

and seeing how much i'm hurting

i wish you knew 

how much i want to stop trying

because THERE IS ONLY SO MUCH REJECTION I CAN TAKE

i wish you knew

so that maybe you would answer

say "yes"

follow through with plans

and reach out to me one day