Just A Thought

I feel trapped within these four walls and ceiling.

They have yet to cave but, more than ever, need healing.
Darkness creeps in.
It's been at the door for as long as I can remember but, up until now,  
I can't shake this feeling;
The need to answer to these demons.
They are not mine, yet they haunt me just the same.
With every blow the cracks deepen.
My curiosity peaks and I'm reaching to let them in.
Perhaps I'll find peace once I'm not breathing.

 

That thought crosses the room and takes a seat.
We've met twice before, but this time it doesn't leave.
To me, my reasoning seems logical, but maybe I am weak.
Maybe I'm depressed.
Maybe I'll find release.
Maybe things get better.
Maybe I should accept defeat.
Back and forth again, lately my thoughts compete.
I've been alone in this space for so long I can barely remember how to speak.

 

But I'm starting to think that maybe I never learned.
Or worse— I've been coerced never to use my words.
Maybe my hurt and trauma could never have been reversed.
Within every quiet moment, all of these thoughts lurk.
They claw at my throat as it restrains them.
My screams are silent and never heard.
It's just a thought.