Just wandering thoughts

I'm a wicked person how others described me and my own parents.

I was born evil because I’m envious, selfish, and jealous. 

Probably I hate myself each day when I wake up and hear insults which I desire. 

However I'm a human that made mistakes and even forgives it is hard for parents.

I never want to be in a relationship because my own family breaks them apart.

He made my life go upside down and I only hated him. 

I want to be beautiful as a rose petal where you smell deeply where you just know it's perfect.

How can I be so beautiful? In the end I just mess up everything that I held in my hands.

My mother and someone else say things from my mouth which I never thought about.

How my father sees him as a pig bank and how I want my own family to stay away.

There are more things where I just want to yell stop and that is not what I think about things.

I love my own family and hate myself more where I wish wasn’t poisoned myself toward hate.