Justifying Obtuse Behavior

I was not supposed to fall for you,

It would have been against the laws,

Of the animal kingdom to claim a stake

When another female has already marked her territory

And I have never been a rule breaker.

I had not known the rush of blood,

To my face and through my veins,

 until what I wanted I could not have.

The funny thing is, I could have had you.

If I had known the rules of animals.

If I had read the right book, or

Answered your left handed scratch on

Paper with a coy smile and a growl

Of appreciation, you might have been mine for a time.

You might have been mine for all time.

But I do not speak grunts, growls and body

Languages, because I wasn’t raised by wolves.

Now I wish I had taken the time to learn them.

I am left with the low crack of an aching chest

to hum me to sleep where your voice should be.

It hurt even more when you kissed her,

In front of the whole pack, and your search

For my hidden howls of pain under my toothy grin, was

Short. I couldn’t look away, or stop replaying the sight.

You won’t love me because animals do not love.

Animals mate and move on, leaving me

Questioning why I cannot be,

Like them, but also hopeless,

Wanting a love like forever, unlike

Any paw or claw you could muster.

We are a different kind of animal—human.

One that can wound without breaking skin

With sharp objects. One that accepts

The pain to keep another happy, or herself—

Keeping quiet when the hum gnaws at her eardrums.

I promised myself I would never cry over a man,

I suppose I am not breaking that promise

Because these tears are racing the planes of my cheeks

For a boy who knows little of forever,

And all too well the way of animals.