I never want to lose that part of me.

The part of me that asks “why”, not just “how”

The part of me that’s willing to believe anything that’s good

Whereas if I were more closed off, I don’t think that I would

 

And they tell me I’ll get “jaded”

By the school system, the life system, they say my thought processes will get faded

And I get how that makes sense

Nowadays people tend to focus from a very early age

Only on how they’re going to pay their rent

And I understand that.

 

But I never want to lose that part of me.

The part of me that’s willing to sit down and think for hours

About concepts and beliefs and alleged truths

Even if I know there are no answers

I at least want to figure out what I should do

 

Never do I ever want to stop wondering what’s right and what’s wrong

And not just if I’m faced with a situation that has two obvious options

But throughout my life when I do anything

To create the notes and tones of my life song

 

I never want to be the one to always label things as “pseudo-science”

Just because we haven’t proven things to be true doesn’t mean they aren’t

Just because they aren’t necessarily easy things to warrant

 

I never want to stop using emotion to figure out my life

To focus only on numbers and practical  things

Never want to not appreciate a diamond ring

Just because I know all it is is a rock

 

I don’t ever want to lose that connection I’ve built

To the people around me

My spirituality

My thoughts about why the world works so interestingly

 

And I know that science and philosophy work hand-in-hand

And you don’t have to pick one over the other

But I don’t know where I should focus

 

I don’t want my camera lense to make this part of me a blur

I want to keep thinking, even of things of which I’m not sure

And I love science!

I love anything that explains to me how things work

But I also love knowing there’s so much beyond that

Human beings are more than a definitive computer

The world is more than individual functioning parts

It’s dancing energies, it’s powerful art

 

It’s judgements and feelings

Intuition, synchronicities,

Morality and empathy and

Belief and simplicity

 

I don’t deny science.

Science is what we see at surface level

It’s the things we can explain, the things that are fathomable

It’s form and function,

It’s numbers and experiments

It’s gaining this knowledge

And learning what we can do with it

 

But have you noticed that “wise” and “smart” are used in different ways?

Never has the word “wise” been used to praise

Me in my mathematical ability, or scientific knowledge

With that I’ve been told “smart”, “intelligent”, or “you can surely use this to get into college”

 

And “smart” is seldom used to describe my philosophical thought processes

I get “wise” and “thoughtful”, “moral”, and “kind”

 

I never want to lose my depth

My understanding that things are more than what they seem

My belief that anyone can get anything they dream

Even if they’re not sure how to do it

 

This is more than not wanting to let people down

It’s more than not wanting a frown

Because there are teachers and people that love this part of me

But that’s not the only reason why I want to continue this journey

 

Because there are other people too who love my practical ability

Who say to focus on numbers and what we see as reality

“You’d be a good scientist” “You should be an engineer”

A lot of the times focused though on financial stability

 

I’m not saying I don’t like science, as I’ve mentioned before
In fact it’s an internal battle on what I should focus on more

Specifically in terms of what I’m going to do with my life

Do I focus on the math and practicality

Or the study of what’s wrong and what’s right?

 

Regardless of anything or where life wants to take me,

 

I always want to keep this part of me.

The part of me that told me to write this poem.

The part of me that knows, even if it seems so

That I don’t know them.

I don’t know the answers, there are no facts.

With that being said I’ll leave it at that.

 

I always want to have this part of me.

Whether it’s my life focus or not

My intuition is pulling more to that side

But I’m still not sure where I should go,

What to focus on in life

 

Yet I know that I’ll always have this part of me.

And I shouldn’t be scared of losing it.

The only thing I should maybe remind myself to do

Is to never, ever stop using it.