That Kid

When I was ten. Let me tell you about then When I was ten I went to Disneyland and was terrified of Space Mountain and the giant whale I got a puppy Played football with my neighbors Read my first big kid book I was mainstreamed from private school to public And I learned I learned when I was ten I was that kid I was that kid who couldn’t sit still That kid who had to have a toy to play with To keep my ticks under control That kid who had a Special seat And the Special worksheets And the Special classes In the Special Rooms With a Special file Saying I was Special with a capital S But not the kind you put a bumper sticker on your minivan to brag about I was Special with a capital S, yes And I had a stigma with a capital S and a slur with a capital R to match Got called retard every single day I was treated like I was diseased “Stop being such a retard” “They shouldn’t let people like YOU here.” “Ew! Why did they let the retard in?!” When you’re a normal ten year old, you don’t really sugarcoat When you’re Not-Bumper-Sticker-Worthy-Special, you’re worse You have no filter, you say whatever random thoughts that come into your head “Wow, that dress is ugly!” You’re awkward You cry when kids make fun of you You eat alone a lot And you don’t understand why kids hate you because of this new name they came up for you You also think that everyone’s nice And you get fixated on little things like Why. Is. That. Little. Purple. Paint. Chip.On. My. Desk. I freaked. What’s funny is that when you’re ten People already look down on you because you’re short When you’re a Not-Bumper-Sticker-Worth-Special ten year old People look down on you because of that name your “friends” gave you Your parents, teachers, case specialist, speech pathologist, psychiatrist, occupational therapist, ist, ist, ist All see how special you are and the ists rate your specialness to see if there’s hope for you. Then, there wasn’t They decided to not tell me Until one day I remember like it was yesterday It was May and I started crying in Speech Therapy Because I didn’t know why people had problems with me I was crying in Speech Therapy because I saw my file and it said there was something wrong with me So I was sat down her office a puddle of tears And she told me the truth “Yes, there’s something wrong with you.” “No, we can’t fix it.” “But don’t worry, honey, you weren’t going to go to college anyway, the world needs janitors and bus drivers, right?” I ran out the door with my childhood jumping out the window I went to bed a kid that night and woke up a shell I felt like hell I stayed home because “Mommy, I don’t feel well.” I wanted to get away from that ist That stigma That class That world Because I was that kid And kids like that kid don’t do well Kids like that kid don’t amount to anything Kids like that kid end up on the streets Well, this kid like that has dreams This kid like that pulled herself up by the bootstraps when no one gave her shoes This kid like that is going to college This kid like that is going to law school This kid like that has a world go see After I drop this mike, remember that You haven’t seen the last of this kid like that