Flip to the left, flip to the left

All these girls blind me. 

I want a bad girl, I want a hot girl!

My wife is a bore, my kids’ is a chore

With nothing to appease this affliction

Of an addiction I crave on Tinder.

 

Woah there, slow down. Who that?

This hispanic with the long black hair,

Tanner than any woman after a tanning bed.

Her eyes so fiery green and her teeth blind me

With shining beauty!

Swipe right. Swipe right!

 

 “When can we hang?” she asks in broken English.

“Tonight, tonight,” I replied.

“Meet me by the river at midnight, I’ll take your breath away.”

Oh boy, oh boy! Thank you Tinder! 

Finally, a hot, sexy date!

Told my wife that I’m opening a cold one with the guys,

Left the house as quickly as I can.

Bought her flowers, bought her chocolate. 

Bought her pupusas, bought her a bracelete.

I’ll take her breath away!

 

I stood by the river. Boy it’s dark!

I look around with jumpy patience, then I 

Heard a lovely laugh and the splash of water.

I followed the river downstream and behold,

A beautiful maiden brushing her hair with a golden comb!

Her long hair covered her face, her slim body

Radiates like an olive lantern.

I saw her phone on the rock with the classic 

Tinder match-up.

 

Breathed in, blew out. I waltzed up.

“Hello fair lady.” I started.

“Ah, my friend finally came.” She said in a spanish accent.

I got ever so closer and stretched out the roses.

“Thank you, but you should’ve given them to someone else”

“But only you deserve this more than anyone.” I flirted.

“What about your WIFE!” She turned around with lightning speed

To reveal the most horrifing thing!

Her decaying face ripped mine; her hair so enteangled

Like my mind. 

Her fingernails cut my life;

Her breasts sagged low to her knees.

 

“Like what you see? Am I everything 

You lusted for?” Her screechy voice danced my teeth

As I backed away.

“Am I prettier than your marida?”

 

I panicked, I’m paralyzed!

“I told you I would take your breath away.”

My vocal chords bursted as I ran through the forest.

 

Her demonic laugh rumbled through my ears as reached the 

Highway.

 

Until I blacked out.