The Landlord of My Soul
My imaginary friend when I was young
was a dark cloud with a serpent's tongue
He trained me to despise myself,
and now many years and tears later
I have realized by myself
that my childhood imagination
was the creation of a character
I call depression.
We grew together,
he was always there for me
continually reminding me that I was useless even in my time of triumph.
My heart was an ice block where only he skated.
He created an obsession of self-hatred
Some days he would give me a break so I could fake a smile for a few hours
but I searched for love,
and the only place I could find repeated attention
was from the figment of my imagination that isolated me from friends and family.
Can you imagine what kind of madness would make me hate to be lonely
but still crave solitude?
When I ran outa time at the end of the day,
my body would shake.
I don't need bullets or blades to attack myself
my thoughts are more than enough.
So I would just shut up and let him take control
He would push every button
scratch every scar
throw me off a cliff just to see my heart,
cause it would explode in my chest
and he liked to see my blood pump,
pupils dilate,
goosebumps,
body shake,
earthquake,
headache.
No more pain no no no no
I'm done I can't live with you anymore
you’re a drug, but you're not helping the sore.
So leave get out.
If only that were what I said to him,
but then again he wouldn't listen.
He knew I was cheap and he could come back in a day or a week,
with enough cents to keep me running just a little longer.
So maybe he would go,
but I'd want him back.
Isn't that funny the very thing I loved was mercilessly destroying me.
Yet, I thank this portion of me.
This parasite that stuck to me.
I thank him.
He gave me strenth to believe.
Believe in a choice to free myself from insufficiency of self love.
So I say to him watch out
you broke me
and broken glass cuts those who walk all over it.
Thank you for showing me my strength.
👁 4💬 1
Something wrong with this poem?
Replies are closed for this poem.
Your Poem's Voice
See what makes your poem unique — its voice, energy, themes, and the literary traditions it draws from.
Comments (1)
Log in to leave a comment.