Last Breath

So, I ask you where do I go?

Because right now I really don’t know.

Where would people accept me, what place is there?

Where should I go for people who care?

And you might think this world is it

To which I say it’s not one bit

Parents care, don’t they?

 Sure, they should

But I can assure you that some never would

And can’t you depend on a friend?

But the issue is that they might not be there till the end

I want to go anywhere but here

This place where sadness is always near

This place where pain is hidden

Where the right to speak freely can be forbidden

And I ask you when will this end?

This nightmare that I wish was pretend

When will I have a chance to do things for me?

And When will I finally be free?

When will I have a chance to not be a tool?

When will I not have to follow every rule?

And so my true self I do conceal

From the people who made me me

I’m forced to act like their ideal

Or “taught a lesson” I will be.

And I ask you, what should I do?

How should I stop what I’m going through?

How should I free myself from these chains that shackle my heart?

These chains that stop me from doing what I know is smart.

Because I care for my captors it’s like a Stockholm case.

And now it stops me escaping this place.

And ending it, ending the scheme.

Ending this devilish controlling regime.

And my only way out sees a rope around my neck

It tightens, snaking around my throat

My leg hovers off the stool and I fear dying

Then I remember all the nights spent crying

Knowing I only have a moments gap

Before I won’t be able to free myself,

free myself from this-this torturous trap

The trap they call parents

The trap they call friends

The trap they call life.

And I step off the stool

My legs dangling over the air

And now, I’m, I’m

Feeling the rope grow tighter

Still desperate

And I want, I want

 to die but not to die

to live but not to live.

And I try, I try, I- I

I try to breathe

And in my last moments, I see them.

The parents who were supposed to care.

The parents that should have been there.

The parents that should have known that something was wrong.

And the parents that could have helped me be strong

And now I struggle for my last breath.

Knowing that I’ve arrived at the doors of death.