The Last Words

I want to talk to you. I really do. A day without asking something feels so blue. When I send that message though, the feelings changed. No, I resist the shift and deny the pain. All I want is to ask “how’s your day?” You don’t know what I keep quiet inside, fueling the fire that keeps this, us, alive. I want to ball up I want to cry, the things between us? I don’t want them to die. But they might as well. There is no hope they can stay and dwell in this world you and I built. It’s dying like a star, so many colors, yet so far away in our hearts. What made this life I used to live so beautiful was you. The waking moments of early dawn became lighted with what is now gone. The day drifting by like snow in the wind seems bitter, looking in. You’re off, enjoying your time with someone else, while I’m here, trying to figure out how to waste mine alone as if I had a choice. Don’t you see, when you were mine it was all fine, time had no meaning as long as it was had with you. I’d give anything for that back. My tongue, my hands, my lungs, my legs but not my heart, oh no, not that. That was reserved for you. It sits hollow, empty, in wait of your love. I don’t see why though. It’s not like it will ever come it back. I want to cry, scream, yell, just anything to show that I’m cracked. Anything anyone tries to fill me with just falls out, the broken rift. They say time heals all wounds but it’s just empty words floating away in balloons. Broken feelings, broken promises, broken backs from the pain but just one broken life. My heart, my mind, torn by the relation that’s left behind. I’m still stuck here, rotting in my mind. I see you out, normal, as if I were someone that never occupied your mind. I know I’m still there, thumping, running around in the sub-conscience, shut in the dark, left there so cold, are you ever coming back? Am I just pure nonsense? That’s it, that’s my rant. I don’t know how you feel but this is how I do. It’s not all your fault, it couldn’t be, that’s true. I think of things, what we used to do. Stay up so late, eyes turned blue. Tell you how much I missed you. But now I know what the real feeling of that meant. Just know this and take it lightly please. I’m stuck here, left in the sand. I miss the days where you and I were together, damn. So many emotions come to mind when I think of back then. Anger, pain, compassion, care, worry, fear, the moments of silence, the tears that were shed but most of all love. True love I still believe but it’s gone now. Dead, like a falling leaf. But that leaf never just started as a leaf. It was attached and part of a tree. It took time, nurturing, care, and effort. Before that it was a seed. Infinite potential. Once planted, it became something special. That leaf that’s falling, it was part of something great. That something was us, our love, and the tree is still there. It just has to wait till next year. Maybe a couple more. Who knows, something might never grow back. I’ll sit down. Waiting. Because to me? It’s worth that chance. Again I state, I want to talk to you. I really do. Who knows. Something might bloom… Till then though, I’m just another person, cracked by the love turned to doom.