Late Night Thoughts

Why am I scared to sleep? Am I to be forever awake? To keep myself from feeling a cut so deep, deeper than I can take. Why must my mind be so hostile, that if set to wonder free, condemns no other imbecile, than me? As it seems I have become so automatic, that I always repeat your name, as if I were fake or robotic, because it always sounds the same. Every time I say it, it reminds me of what I could have had, but now I can't have a single bit, like an apple gone bad. Now and then however, I have the slightest hope, that you will say "forever", and wash my past mistakes away with soap. Because in this world of what could have been or might, these thoughts antagonize me too, that's why I can't sleep at night, because I'm afraid I'll think of you.