Lavender

Lavender

She loved to feel their pedals,

their sweet nectar on her fingertips.

They reminded her of wonder.

How it captivates the nature of our emotions.

They just reminded me of her

She loved to see how it’s color changed

from purple, to pink, to white

“Are they losing their soul?”

she would ask me

“No”

“They just don’t like how their colors,

Show up in the pictures we take.”

That reminded her of the mirror,

how she wouldn’t see herself,

But just a reflection

Of a body she wanted to change.

They reminded her,

Of how she also

Didn’t care for the curves

that show up in pictures I took of her.

They just reminded me

Of how beautiful she was.

She loved how their pedals felt

Soft like my cheek

Against her fingertips.

“Why do you shave?”

She asked me.

“So everytime you feel these pedals,

You’ll think of me.”

It reminded her

Of how she would use my blades

But never the cream.

Of how the pedals,

were the same colors of the fluids

that would escape her arms

They just reminded me

of how sad she was.

She loved lavenders

their sweet smell,

their numb comfort.

They would make her feel

like she was alive again.

They just reminded me of her

Of how she dreamed

of being just like flowers.

But she already was.

Just like flowers

They give up

Without sunlight

without water,

without love.

they die.

Their petals fall

they lose their pretty colors

They are no longer soft

But brittle

They fall apart so easily

Can no longer take their pictures

They are no longer pretty,

or alive for that matter.

They turn brown.

become part of the Earth.

They just reminded me of her,

Of how she would die along with them

Ever winter

every summer

Every end of their season.

Her season was over.

I hate lavender.