Lazy Procrastination

I know you know how easy it is to NOT do something.

C’mon. I know you know.

You know the scene:

Before class, everyone walking in, you

Rushing

Rushing

Rushing

With your paper all blank, pencil hurrying, and your friend’s like

“Dude,”

And he looks at you with a face like

Oh my God you’re an idiot, do your homework for once

And then he sits down next to you,

Bell about to ring,

Lightning in the air,

And he says

“Oh my God you’re an idiot, could do your homework for once?”

And your teacher laughs as she strolls through the door

And it closes

And the bell’s like RIIING-sucks for you-RIIING

And you’re forced to stop writing

And you look back at your paper, and

The only legible word written down is

<insert your name here>

And only when you take a breath do you realize,

Shit, I’m done,

And you relax.

BUT YOU DON’T REALLY RELAX

Because you never can relax.

Do you ever really relax?

NO.

Because tonight you get a project

And a quadratics worksheet

And six chapters to read

And “That One Assignment You Never Did But Told Yourself You Would Do”

And also, yeah- that essay due in two days.

Class begins.

“Your essay’s due tomorrow,” says the teacher

@*%#, you sigh, and

Pretty much in seconds you realize how wrong you were.

Come back home and hide it under your hands, your parents see it, ask

“What is that?”

“I said what is that?”

“Show me what that is.”

“Show me now.”

And you open your palm, skin sweating- crumpled school paper:

Grade Card:

Math C

English A

Time

Management F

Science C

Homework F

Procrastination A

“What the hell is this?” says mom.

“It’s me,” says you.

“No excuses, you need to work on time management-

(No shit, mom.)

-and do your school assignments. ALL of them.”

Sent to your room.

Desk light flipped on, dust spraying over scattered papers.

I have math, English, Social Studies, English, this and that and this and that.

“DO IT,” says mom.

Three hours later, you’re watching YouTube videos, falling asleep,

Papers on your desk and

Nothing done, and

Tomorrow morning you take the bus to school and

Walk into class and

Pull out your blank papers and

Take out your pencils, and

Scribblescribblescribble, and

Watch the clock, and

Hear the bell, and say

SHIT

And realize you got nothing done.

See, doing nothing is so much easier than doing anything.

“I’ll do this tomorrow in advisory,” you say, but

You don’t.

DO NOTHING, PLEASE, JUST WATCH TV.

It’s so easy.

But you pull up your essay and you read the prompt and it says

How do you feel about doing homework on time?

And you smile, and you laugh, and

You click on your keyboard and

You write the opening line:

“Homework? On time? Let me tell you a story.”

And you type fast for hours, because you know what to write, and

I’m laughing when I’m writing this now.

Thing is, I never do homework,

I’m always late, and

The world knows me as a lazy procrastinator, but

RIGHT NOW, in this moment,

This essay is the first thing I’ve ever turned in on time.

Imagine that.