Learning More

Dear you,

I don’t like talking about myself, because there is not one certain thing I’d like to pinpoint.

I am not exciting whatsoever.

I feel uncomfortable talking about myself.

All the things I’ve gone through feel like a lie.

At times, I can accept it, others, all I can seem to do is deny.

I feel my life’s a movie, but there’s no ending, let alone a happy one.

I feel and sound cliché when I say this, but I’ve been through a lot.

I’ve put myself through a lot.

The fact that I feel anxious saying “I’ve been through a lot” makes me think.

Would I be where I am had I not gone through what I did?

I would be weaker, ignorant, not here.

Although the events leading up to me being me did hurt me, I have grown.

The hurt and betrayal, the lies and foolishness have thrown me around each other like a volleyball game.

I make the best out of the experiences I’ve had.

I joke to make myself feel better, laughing at myself is one of my many talents.

Feeling the pain I was put through, especially as a young child, has pushed me.

It’s pushed me to help others.

There is no one in this world I would wish the pain and depression that was put upon me.

If you’re wondering, I’ve been through a lot.

Foster care was no walk in the park.

Thankfully, I had my brother and sister.

Being hurt by someone who promised to never hurt me in the way he was, was a struggle.

I barely told him exactly what he did, considering being drunk leaves a fuzzy and bitter taste in the mouth.

Though only 18, I’ve learned more than you may think.

Though my past created some underlying aggression, I am more understanding.

Though I have been hurt, I have learned to forgive those who have hurt me.

When my time comes, I will teach those who hurt me to forgive.

I believe I was put onto this earth, to help people see the errors of their ways.

As I write this, I have many names running through my mind, so I can’t exactly name one person.

But as I continue to grow, I will be able to say what happened to me loud and clear.

I will accept what has been done to me one day.

Maybe not today, or tomorrow.

I will learn to love myself again.