Leave me

I used to hide in my room and fight myself, Because I didn't know where else the anger could go. I hated my skin, I hated my hands, I hated the way I couldn’t just say "no." So I scratched and I hit until I felt numb, Punishing myself for being so small and dumb. I grew up, but the hate just stayed, And now I find men who keep me afraid. I pick the ones who treat me like dirt, Because I’m so used to being the one who gets hurt. I let them be mean, I let them be cold, It’s the same old story I’ve always told. I am so mad that I can't be strong, I’m mad at myself for being so wrong. I pick these men who are mean and bad, And it makes me feel so alone and sad. I’m still like that kid crying in the dark, Still carrying around every old mark. I hate that I stay when I should just leave, It’s a sad kind of web that I always weave. I’m stuck in this circle, and I’m mad at my head, For all of the mean things that I’ve ever said.