Lecture to myself.

As if someone is pushing against me Every effort made, shot down backfired with some kind of unknown karma Its something we all need to figure out Money out of question, with a family full of struggle with babies screaming and homework mounding up, its easitest to lay on your bed all day Forget about the world. Ignore your mothers pain. and by all means forget a social life. Love? That just a constant failure You give up parts of your life and you dedicate to others but literally you get shot down. The emotions and the mood swings. Forced smiles, errotic laughs. All to add more bumps and potholes in the path to the end. Forget the end. See how can I focus on all these materialistic realities, when my mind only craves expierences? my eyes stretch townards sunsets! my toes ruslte in the sand! Hands squeezing the fruit of life of living! Some externinty or some energy restrains me my own head and thoughts pick me all apart to where I'm back to being the crying child in the back. dont feel so properly prepared to care for youself. Thoughts like this challenge my confidence, my faith. How can I aim so far ahead? If I'm constantly being pulled back. All I can hope for is the best. Try in the moment and keep in mind the future. Scary and this I know. But maybe all of this in theory, will send me soaring. So long as I'm happy and doing all I possibly can, trying is better than nothing. Discouragement is nothing that cant be surpassed. Confidence is all I need.