Lecture to myself.

As if someone is pushing against me
Every effort made, shot down
backfired with some kind of unknown karma
Its something we all need to figure out
Money out of question, with a family full of struggle
with babies screaming and homework mounding up,
its easitest to lay on your bed all day
Forget about the world.
Ignore your mothers pain.
and by all means forget a social life.
Love?
That just a constant failure
You give up parts of your life and you dedicate to others
but literally you get shot down.
The emotions and the mood swings.
Forced smiles, errotic laughs.
All to add more bumps and potholes
in the path to the end.
Forget the end.
See how can I focus on all these
materialistic realities,
when my mind only craves expierences?
my eyes stretch townards sunsets!
my toes ruslte in the sand!
Hands squeezing the fruit of life
of living!

Some externinty or some energy restrains me
my own head and thoughts pick me all apart
to where I'm back to being the crying child
in the back.
dont feel so properly prepared to care for youself.
Thoughts like this challenge my confidence,
my faith.
How can I aim so far ahead?
If I'm constantly being pulled back.

All I can hope for is the best.
Try in the moment and keep in mind the future.
Scary and this I know.
But maybe all of this in theory, will
send me soaring.
So long as I'm happy and doing all I possibly can,
trying is better than nothing.
Discouragement is nothing that cant be surpassed.
Confidence is all I need.

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