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You want to know the hardest part?

It isn’t the neglect, it isn’t the start.

Not broken promises, not what you do,

Not the pain I still carry for you.

My love burned brighter than all the stars,

It broke through silence, it broke through scars.

You weren’t just a woman, not just a friend,

You were the mother I chose without end.

I’m not just mad,

I’m shattered, I’m torn,

Living each day with the weight I’ve worn.

You move on freely, you laugh, you smile,

While I’m left aching all the while.

I hate that you’re happy, I hate that it’s true,

That your choices still echo in everything I do.

That trust feels heavy, that love feels strange,

That soft becomes sharp, that warmth feels changed.

I’d still pick every blade of grass till the earth grew bare,

If it meant at night you could sleep with care.

I’d break myself just to see you whole,

Though loving you fractured my very soul.

I hate that you showed me the burn of love,

A fire below and no peace above.

I hate that my heart won’t let you go,

That I still love deepest the one who said “no.”

I hate that the child who followed your call

Still cries for her mother who dropped it all.

I hate that you chose him instead of me,

That his shadow erased who I tried to be.

That worth feels broken, unwanted, small,

That even today I believe it all.

I hate that I chase what I’ll never replace,

The love I still see when I dream of your face.

That the pain you gave is a permanent brand,

And I’ll never be whole with these scars in my hand.

I remember the night when Dad nearly died,

And how in your arms I broke and cried.

When I begged you to claim me,

you still said no.

That was the moment I learned to just let go.