Left in Silence

Every week I tell myself, “maybe it will be different” 

Maybe this time, she’ll keep her promise

She’ll be the mom I keep waiting and hoping for

I come home every weekend, bracing for the yelling

Praying that the glass stays empty

But at least she never fails in one thing

Filling up the glass to the brim, time after time

I hear the clattering and stumbling through the kitchen

I know to keep clear 

There’s no escaping her. 

I hear her stammering up the stairs

I brace for the daggers that are about to be thrown 

Worthless

Useless

Stupid

I tell myself, maybe next week she’ll stop

She’ll look at me and finally understand the way I feel

But the cycle never stops

The same bitterness every time

And I am always left gathering the pieces of myself

That she viciously shattered and walked all over

Still, I hope, that one weekend she will surprise me

That one weekend the yelling and drinking won’t come

But, I’m always left sitting in silence,

Wondering why I still hold onto this piece of hope