Less

Tue, 12/30/2014 - 22:37 -- RaeL27

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Fluid and emotionless I stand

Yes, emotionless

Less that I am

Less than my peers in all subjects from calculus to chem

because the mahogany of my skin doesn’t even begin to bear witness to the greatness that lies within

Less than my friends

with their bone straight golden locks and flawless pale skin

Yes, for some reason my kinks and coils that won’t be tamed aren’t allowed in your definition of beauty so I chemically straighten them

Less than my foes because I don’t own as much

Because daddy bought them a new Porsche for their 18th that rides so smooth, and speeds so fast, and just like that all the cash they acquire won’t last past their 19th if God forbid they play russian roulette with their lives and get into a drunken crash

and yet I’m less

Less than the elites that paid their way into my school, who pave the way for their younger brothers and sisters, leaving them trust funds in their wake

and oh because I depend on financial aid so my single mother doesn’t have to work more than one job to keep up with the bills and the funds the university just seems to take

Take less, turn left, because nothing in this picture seems right

These obtuse angles and odd shapes have me cursing at the TV screen for yet again showing me another face that looks nothing like me

Someone that I can’t identify with

I don’t even know why I keep waiting for proper representation when this country has only told us for centuries, “nigger, you are less

Less and inferior and ignorant and dirt

Dirty and filthy, you’re the scum of the earth

The world would be such a magnificent place if we could somehow get rid of you nigger, somehow just have less

Less black babies being born to teenage mothers who can’t even support themselves and are expected to take care of another life

Less young black people trying to infiltrate our higher education system that was designed for us to do well and for them to fail

Why are you still trying?

Haven’t we told you enough?

You are less"

 

What? I am?

 

"Yes"

 

But how? How am I less? I’m only doing my best.

Somehow in your eyes, I’m still less

Hopeless, loveless, worthless

and no matter how hard I try to compensate for the things that make me less than, it amounts to nothing

So I’ve come to a point in my life where I decided to stop being less

I stopped thinking less of my abilities in a lecture hall or a chem lab because as I look around, I don’t see any skin tones that even resemble pigmentation close to mine

I deserve to be in that classroom just as much, if not more than others

I have a purpose and intelligence and a future that will be divine

I stopped thinking less of my naps that spring to life atop my head no matter how long the perm has been sitting on them

I have strength and tenacity buried in these thick roots and for the sake of my sanity, I’m cutting the straightened hair off to embrace the person I was made to be

I stopped thinking less of my family’s situation because for us, money doesn’t grow on trees

I have a loving family who truly cares about my well-being

They want me to succeed in life but they also want me to be happy and believe me when I say that is priceless

Less. Less?

I can’t believe I let these deceitful lies and subliminal games that play beneath the conscious mind convince me that I was ever less

Less than you, less than her, less than him

Less than the what the maker of this world created within

I am and have always been flawless

Yeah, I was never less

And as much as you would like me to believe so, I could care less

Because for me, trying to please society’s standards and create something that’s worth their attention, their acceptance, their appreciation is pointless

 
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