Less Than Enough

Dear Katie,

There are moments when I feel less than

And I can’t comprehend

What it is I am doing wrong

My friends say

Imma nice person

kind person

loving person

caring person

My friends also say

“You are nice but on the brink of being either

Very strict with your morals

Or...a pushover”

My friends act differently when they are with others

The best become idolized

And I get left behind

My hand clasps around my mouth

Therefore, I am afraid to speak

How can one escape a captor that is within side of you?

It’s like all these years I have been abused

And when it comes time to be freed

I can never know a life without abuse

And so I crave it my “safe” place

It’s so easy…

So easy

Just one step across the street

Just a handful of pills to help me sleep

Just one jump to give me peace

Sometimes I am silenced by my own mind

Most times people refuse to register my voice

I find comfort in my captor

While my eyes yearn for more

Tired of seeing the same scene play

I become troubled to my core

Yet I am stuck in the same place

No potential here

Just the process to disappear

I am not living for myself

But for the benefit of others

My thoughts are not my own

Just disguised as my brother’s

There is not a name for me

But the names people give me

I am less than

Waiting for negatives and my heart to divide

Then I will be more than

And equal to my kind.

Sincerely,

Jami Joy