Lessons That Can Never Be Forgotten

John Gil-Alvarez

Lessons That Can Never Be Forgotten

When Jonathan died, I felt the need for revenge, and because of the events around his death, I was almost drawn to the same gang violence that killed him.

On typical weekend mornings, I would wake up to my mom yelling, ”Jonathan, ven aqui!” Because my mother's cooking is always delightful, I rushed to kitchen and my 18 year-old cousin, Jonathan was always there to enjoy the meal with me. He would always tell me, “I will always be here for you, primo.”

Our little routine on Saturdays was to play basketball and video games. Even though he was one of the big kids and Iwas a lot younger, Jonathan made sure I never sat on the sideline. I always had a spot on the team. In my community, where many of my friends didn’t always feel valued and important, my cousin made me feel special and gave me instructions on life.

I needed those lessons.

While I enjoyed hanging out with my cousin, it wasn’t all fun and games--when it was bed time, he made sure that I went home. He did not want to get my mom furious to the point where she would not make him breakfast anymore.

One Saturday, Jonathan came to eat breakfast with me and my brothers. We all ate mashed potatoes with onions, fried cheese and salami. My favorite dish. During breakfast he told us that he was going to a party later and would be wearing his nicest clothes. He was a very stylish guy. A few hours after he left for the party, I went to my aunt’s apartment to hang out; but everything was different this time. Everyone was very quiet. Quiet enough to hear a pin drop.  I asked my mom what happened, but she was stunned and could not speak. When the detectives came into the house, I began to worry that something awful had happened.

One of the detectives said to my aunt, “Ma’am, “your son has been murdered.”

At that moment, I felt that someone needed to die for this.

I hated him for leaving, but I hated the person who killed him even more. I hated that person so much that I almost forgot the most important lessons I got from my cousin: life lessons about right and wrong.

While grieving, I started to reflect on special moments I had encountered with Jonathan. He once caught me trying to steal candy. That was my first and last time trying to steal. Jonathan made me return it and apologize to the store owner. Another time, I was playing basketball in the dim lights at my elementary school, P.S. 41, and I tore a muscle in my knee. Even though I was too discouraged to do the exercises that the doctors told me to do, Jonathan made sure I did them. He told me that he wanted me to be strong and he always told me I could be better than him.

With the support of my family, I found resilience and a mindset to move ahead with my life and to honor Jonathan’s life and memory by treating others the way he treated me. Growing up in the Bronx, it is hard to stay away from the violence and poverty that surrounds my community. The older I get, I see that people in my community respect those who do the right thing; especially when the right thing to do is the difficult thing to do.

So, I try to be that guy who does what is right even when no one else is looking.

Losing Jonathan was painful, but he will never be forgotten because he taught me so many lessons that I will take with me for the rest of my days.