Let Them See

Without the filter, the make up Without the lights and the masks? Nothing? Who am I? What am I? Really. Broken. Without the makeup, the filter, the lights and the masks, I am the real me. The me without the glue to hold up the pieces; the me without the walls to cover up the cracks. I try to remove these to reveal it all, and I feel naked, seen. I can’t do it. I can’t let my friend see how the embarrassment of the secret kills me. I can’t let my ex-boyfriend see the pain and hole he left with me, the pain that relives itself every time I see Him. I can’t do it. I can’t let everyone see How the anxiety of college applications tears me apart until I am shreds. I can’t let my family see how the fights leave me with a wet pillow each night; how it scares me to think how we are falling apart; how every laugh and smile shared brings a crack into my well-crafted mask that I took forever to carefully put up. I can’t do it. I can’t let them see the real me. But I want them to. I want them to see that their smile brightens my day and lights up my world. I want them to see that when they laugh I feel like I should be too. I want them to see That their love and acceptance makes my heart warm and a smile takes over my face for days. I want them to see all of that and more. I want them to see My adoration for writing My undying love for poetry My addiction to music Both listening and playing My need for serving and helping and caring and just being nice in general Because then the happiness can be shared. And that is the thing I want most: to be happy and make others happy. I want them to see all of this and so much more, but can I really do it? Without the filter, the make up Without the lights and the masks? Nothing? I think I can. I think I’ll be brave. Just maybe I’ll try. I think I will, and they’ll finally see the completely, entirely, truly me.