Every individual

from the moment I was born

was my teacher

and asked me for the answer.

There was no question, but surely,

there is an answer. 

(Somewhere...)

 

and my class- how can I describe it?

From their chairs*

they sought victory, not truth.

Each silently screaming

 "WAR IS NOT WON BY LISTENING"

and they so, so, so badly wanted the answer

December 27th, 2014,

grandma says something about men as a whole,

 laughing from the other room

Men, hahaha

Girls club, Girls Club,

We know it all

 

[You have to pick a side, lady,

or they'll think you're weak minded.

No conviction, y'see?]

 

What did I learn?                        

Bare your teeth

(Oh, and nobody fucking cares

if you get your groceries in

mascara and pumps or

braless under a stained hoodie

except for you, that is)

every once in a while,

because

                 otherwise

they'll think you don't have any to bite with.

I'm still working on that protective shell, though

 

Last night I couldn't fall asleep, so I listened to the ticking of their clock.

From my place on the couch, I imagined it was the sound of my life passing me by.

 

[Introspective, yes, that's swell, honey

but it won't get you a job, darling]

 

The answer? Oh, it's...

 

If last night a girl couldn't fall asleep, and so she listened to the ticking of a clock,

and

from her place on the couch, imagined it was the sound of  life passing her by,

how many ticks and tocks would it take, at a ratio of  3/4 ticks to tocks,

for her to forget that night?

 

I found out that

 

*Everyone cries.

 

Oh, and I'm learning every day

I'm learning every single day

that grace

doesn't scream

Be All You Can Be

quite like some grit in between the teeth

(but it's awful nice if you have it)

 

and you should always forgive someone for what they've done

(unless they really, really deserve a fist)

and, of course!  Life. is. hard.

but WOW

Have you seen that sky?

 

And I'm TRYING, reeeaallly trying

except realism isn't a strength of mine

 

I saw, finally,

 

(There is an island over the water.

I see shadows of a young couple who snuck out in the night.  

They went skinny dipping, and they climbed the rock pillar.

They,

dripping with the Columbia, 

whispered to the stars.)

 

There is no answer.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       (Let's keep looking, though)