let's talk about something
where do i even begin?
so many jumbled thoughts with no way out
how do i explain myself without being shut down
because everyone gets sick of me expressing my disgust
when they choose to ignore the truth
why do i have to find every way possible to make money to pay for college
all because of the salary i wrote on my application
and no one bothers to think that we have expenses
and that all that money has a purpose
no that six-digit number automatically disqualifies me from financial aid
because that makes me upper-middle class white bread cookie cutter plastic barbie dream house white picket fence american as apple pie
and they tell you that good grades and participation in school activities will get you into any college you want
but when having a 4.27 and being in the top 5 percent of your class and taking every honors and ap class you can doesn't get you into your dream college you realize they're all liars
i'm sorry
did i miss the memo that i have to speak three languages and play five instruments and be a star athlete and be the president of two clubs and get straight a's and get a perfect sat score and cure cancer to be valid
and i don't have a tragic life
like an abusive stepdad or a single mother who works three jobs to support her ten kids or a brother who was killed in combat
people say i'm a good writer
but when it comes to talking about myself i can't think of a single word
so the cursor blinks perpetually on the blank page
you know sometimes it messes up my self-confidence
not that i had much to begin with
because when you realize that other people don't care what you think but care about what you look like
you'll do anything to be wanted
just conform to their brand and you'll fit in
maybe that's why i'd rather stay at home all the time studying rather than trying to be a false representation of an accepted norm
i know it's all inconsequential in the long run
but right now it's all i have
are the tears justified when you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders and everyone tells you you'll grow out of it
suck it up stop being dramatic it's just hormones don't be so emotional welcome to the real world
i wish my talents could be more easily recognized by those who control my future
but as it is i've had to learn the hard way
that i'm the only one who has the power to make myself happy and to change what needs to be fixed