A Letter

Dear Dad,

Should I really call you that?

Your like a stranger to me

I know your name

I know your Birthday

I know your favorite sport is soccer

These are simple things I know about you, however anything else I'm at a loss for

I don’t hear stories about my grandparents or your childhood days

Not even about your own culture

I wanted to know so much more about you

But you kept on disappearing

I just wanted you to at least have a reason to be in my life, cause right now your just there

I remember the times you would keep me up late at night because you wanted me to pass a test or the times you would help me with my homework.

Your methods were harsh but so were your words.

Are you stupid?

How can you not get this material? It's easy!

These are just some of the things you would say and then I would cry.

Cry because I felt stupid

Cry because I didn’t understand

Cry because I upsetted you

Cry because I disappointed you

But my cries would only agitate you more

So I learned to cry in silence as to not disturb you

However words weren’t your only weapon

You choosed violence with your bare hands

You would hit me when I did something wrong
I would run but in the end you would always catch me

I wonder if you remember the fear I had in my eyes

The damage you've caused

I grew to keep quiet around you.

I didn’t speak to you or interact with you for I was afraid of the things you would do.

However my life wasn’t in complete darkness I had my sisters by my side.

I wanted to protect them from you

The monster who mistreated me and called me names.

I wanted them to see you as a good father

But I failed

You ignored the youngest and favored the middle one, but you also hurt her as well

But I did nothing

I stood in fear unable to move and react

I just watched

My mother tried to reason to you many times but you refused to listen

I remember the times the police had to come to take you away because my mother was powerless against you

In the end I was tired of this nonstop cycle

So I decided I should just end it all

Maybe that way everything would be alright

But as the sharp blade came close to my skin

My younger sisters popped up in mind

As well as my mother

I couldn’t bare to see them in such agony

So I did nothing

Years pass by and I grew older but you didn’t seem to notice

I remember one day you were mad at something about me but this time I didn’t coward to the corner.

I stood my ground and faced you off

I have had enough

I remember how surprised you were of my actions and I wonder what was going on in your mind.

And for the very first time I felt great.

I wasn’t wrapped around your finger no more

You weren’t the one in control

Since then you were different in a way yet you were the same

You were conflicted

Some days you would be sweet and caring

Other times you would distance yourself from us

In the end you became calm yet distant towards me but to my sisters you grew close

Our relationship may be bruised up but it isn't too late to heal it up

I just want you to know that what happened throughout the years I forgive you

Your still my father

I still care about you

I'm just happy to know that my sisters will get the father I needed when I was small

At Least they won't suffer the same way I did.

Sincerely,

Your Daughter

S.R.