the letter that almost was

why do I feel the way I feel

why do I want to hurt myself

why do I feel that I’d be better dead

why do they hate me

why won’t they accept that I’m human

why don’t they get that we make mistakes

why do they hurt people

why do they think it’s okay

it’s not okay

I’m not okay

it isn’t normal to hurt myself

why am I a coward

do they think I’m a coward

I don’t care what they think 

they’re all stupid anyway

but they still hate me just the same

I wish I was normal

death is normal so maybe I’ll try that

I’m sorry I’m disappointing 

I’m sorry I’m not good enough

I’m sorry I won’t be there for you

I’m sorry, I would take care of you

but I’m too weak

I’ll never make it out alive

at least I’ll die trying 

maybe then they’ll be better

maybe they’ll learn

maybe when I’m gone they’ll stop

they’ll see what they did

they’ll never forgive themselves

or maybe they will forget

maybe they’ll never notice me 

and maybe I’ll just fade away

nobody cares about me anyway

even you don’t think I’m enough

you never said it but I know you think it

it’s in the way you talk to me

it’s in the way you look at me

I told you I was drowning 

you ignored me

I told you I needed your love

you shunned me

all I wanted was somebody to hold me

I needed to hear “it’ll be okay”

but I didn’t 

you wouldn’t help me 

and know I’m leaving

I'll be gone but at least I’ll be free

I don’t need anybody anymore

all I need is someone to hear me know

you couldn’t help me in this life

you all failed at that

but hear my last wish

don’t let me become a statistic

don’t let me be forgotten

I don’t want anybody else to be like me

to be alone and unloved is hard

so be there for the other ones

be there to stop the hatred and bullies

be there to keep them from drowning

be there to love them

be there to hold them

be there to tell them “it’ll be okay”

make sure this happens

tell the whole world my pathetic story

tell them how I suffered

and tell them that they can be different

they don’t have to live in the dark

I did, but know I’m gone 

and I’m not coming home again