A Letter To Anyone Who Can Help

February 12, 2018

to whomever this might find,

i want to apologize first for the things i couldn’t do

and you do not know me well enough to say that i didn’t really try or that i just fell a little short

so i’ll say them for you

i was never going to be the setting summer sun

i am not the days i spend in my room with the windows open and the rain pouring in

or the nights barefoot under the stars

i am not something powerful

something that reminds you vaguely of your mom, something that feels so much like coming home

i am not the things i have tried so desperately to be

i am not the greatness that i once dreamed of being

i am not the dense amount of mass that fills up the world

and i am so small

i am so sure that you can understand when i say

that i spend a lot of time thinking about how big it all is

and that time is wasting away now

that there are corners of the world you will never see

there are things that are not yours to experience

and there are people who will never meet

so tell me please

how to learn that nothing is ever mine

and there are lives i will never have

and tell me how to stop being afraid of running out of time

out of energy

tell me how to be those things i want to be

tell me how you do it

bring me closer to the edge so that when i fall, at least i know it was a close call

at least we can say that i tried

please hurry, time is already fleeting,

c.m.h.

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