A letter from Ebony Moss
The scariest part of my life is that I’ve always been afraid to lose myself, others, and my energy. Today I am proud to say that I’ve lost it all. I’ve been at rock bottom since 2018 and I busy myself to solve it. Through the suicide attempts, depression, anxiety, drinking, drugs, sex, sexually assaulted, and pure unhappiness I survived. Now the scariest part isn’t losing myself but it’s trying to find myself. I’m scared to fail. I’m scared to fall back into it all. I’m scared that I still won’t be good enough. I’m scared that by admitting this it won’t help. I’m scared that I’m disappointing my brothers and God. I’m scared that I’ll get sick again. I’m scared to get attached. Though I lost myself, others, and my spirit ... I’ve never lost hope. Faith is pure. My spirit is pure. My heart is pure. My mind is pure. But for so long I felt like all of it wasn’t . I felt like if I could just keep playing my part I wouldn’t hurt but it changed. Today I am proud to say that I’m not the same person I was when when 2018 started or when 2019 started. I’m the person I was when I had no fears. I’m the person who was lost and lead astray but never lost hope. I am no longer a child of lost thoughts i am a young adult of endless hope and drive.I’m me!
Here’s the story:
From the hopes of the pure
To the prayers of those who sin
I look to the heavens hoping it will end
The pain, the lies, and the life I call mine
From the songs of the joyful
To the cry’s of the hurt
May the sound ring through my ears like the woman giving birth
From the souls of the dead
To the hearts of the newborns
May my spirit roam through the earth finding its own home
May my peace be spoken and my heart remain pure
I pray to the lord the devil doesn’t lure
the drugs, the drink, the pain, the sex
Please don’t take me back lord I beg
nightmares and dreams all end the same
Waking up with the same exact pain
May the pain subside and my chakras align
And with the breaking of my heart I hope my spirit doesn’t hide
May the new beginnings make up for the old
I pray I lose the pain I hold
Sleepless nights and restful spirits
Please don’t speak just sit and listen
A hand to hold
A heart to hear
A love to feel
A tear to disappear
Dreams nightmares and feelings new
I pray dear lord my life you renew
Break me down.
Use me
Please don’t let others abuse me
My love,my heart, my spirit, or mind
I sacrifice it all for you
Time has passed from those dreadful nights
The tears and thoughts of suicide
The drinking, the drugs, the pain is gone
Now I spend these nights alone
Reflecting, revising, and planning my life see
the person I was is no longer me
I know it may be hard to believe
Again don’t speak just listen please
The pain I held came from my past
Lost my father and thought the hurt wouldn’t last
Though he’s alive he was dead to me
But I know I’ve grown because I was open to speak
I want to address the lies so they’ll stop
Let me speak now and let my final tears drop
The words I spoke were rooted from pain
Now I’ve started to rewrite my story again
I’m 17 and I’ve started to represent
Now I can say I’m Class President
The once hurt girl I used to be
I can proudly say that is no longer me
Some days are rough
Some are long
I’m at peace with myself so now this is home
I know my worth
I’ve addressed the hurt
I’m no longer the child with baggage
Because I learned the phrase this too shall pass then
If everything was perfect I would never learn, never grow , never be this strong
The challenges that almost killed me
Raised me to be me
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