Letter to the lost

Dear Bestfriend 

you left to soon 

they told me it was for a reason, but you were here for a reason too

both of those reasons seem to fist fight in my head

like if you came here to be with me why'd you leave instead 

I find myself afraid of every thought of you

they have my telling our stories, punching pillows, and crying so the pain can be soothed 

I don't want any of that and I don't know where to place blame 

without you here it's just not the same 

they say I'll see you again one day 

I'm afraid it's a lie to make me feel okay 

I need you back, I just can't deal 

yes I can feel you, but it's the wrong type of feel 

I want our silly conversations 

about the stars, the moon, and dragons

there are things I need to tell you not just write down 

I have nightmares of the accident 

I refuse to go to those familiar places

i keep pictures on my phone of all your silly faces

i need some help please! The therapy doesn't work

i just need you back, then my heart won't hurt