A Letter to My Anxiety

Dear Anxiety,

I’d like to thank you for all these years together.

For all those late night chats.

For all those times you kept me safe

From raising my hand in class

From driving on the highway

From trying anything new.

I still remember when we met -

years ago now -

At the playground under the monkey bars.

No one else would befriend me, but with you

I found a safe pocket of  acceptance,

And the patterns of my heart and brain began to change.

Thank you for being there,

For following me wherever I go.

For the constant second-guessing,

And the heart palpitations.

For keeping me shaking

And wondering if I’ll ever be okay.

Dear Anxiety,

I think it’s time I had a little space,

A little time to myself

To find out who I am without you,

To let my voice be heard without fear,

To give my racing heart a break,

To step out from under this dark shadow.

Somewhere along the way

I realized that just because

You kept me full of fear,

Didn’t mean you were keeping me safe.

Just because you kept me quiet,

Didn’t mean I stopped thinking, feeling.

Somewhere along the way

I learned the difference between

A safe pocket of acceptance,

And being enveloped in a dark cloud.

So I hope it's finally time to

let the sun in and start living.

- Sydney