Letter to my ex

Should of kept how I felt inside. Should of never believed I could tell you about the dark places in my mind. . Never thought you saying I want to know the real you would lead to you being so cruel to me so judgemental and impassive to things and emotions I've failed to deal with.. finally realized why I couldn't let you go I was stuck on the person you use to be. The one who read everything I wrote and replied back to me. The one who kept checking in on me after my sister's murder the one who was always making me laugh and wanted to talk about nothing. The one who cared about me and my demons that still haunt me. But the you I talk to is not the you I'm use to. My safe haven turned out to be another loaded gun with my past and fears aimed at me. And you don't think you don't care you just fire away.. shooting at my insecurities shooting at my past shooting at my mother hood then laugh when I'm wounded, tell me I'm tough and cold hearted but you have yet to realize I was weak for you. Opened the door to my soul and you clowned me I can't even cry to you anymore I can't even show you the broken little girl inside of me any more outside of my bestfriend you're the only one I thought would never judge me. Instead!! you give me hate and tell me its love like everyone before. From my mom to my stepdad from my family to my enemies always picking then say it's for thicker skin then wonder why I'm cold the way I am. I wanted you to love me like no other and be my protector like u wished you could be. I wanted you to fix me or understand me but instead you were like the others breaking me down hurting me with words and reminding me of my worth. That's the love you give.. you let me down knowing I was hurting But fuck it cause you started it.. and fuck me finishing it cause like all the gun loaded happy triggered mfz from my past I'm done with it now. instead of trying to fill this void I feel inside.. you're taking a seat in the far parts of My mind to be forgotten and buried with shit I don't wanna deal with no more cause it's to painful to face head on.